ive gotten back into bad habit again.
i mean it makes me feel at ease to kno that ive done it,
but doesnt excuse the fact that i did.

it makes me feel great and one less thing on my mind, but at the same time, i feel low i feel worse than low.
I dont think i can stand it any more, im trying to stop.

and while bad habits keep coming i should really stop using the stick.
I started not too long ago, cos work has been pushing me and well the whole situation with rose is getting me down in the dumps, a lil relief from the stick is quite good.
Ive become who ive hated.
I feel horrible, yet good, dirty yet i feel as if im cleaning myself out.
i dont want to know that one day this will kill me.
But yet im in the comfort of knowing that if i go now, this would affect almost nobody,

i mean considering that this year i turned 18,
no one bothered to celebrate with me.
Nothing from the best friend, cos she was overseas having fun (this is legitimate) but others who i thought were great friends, nothing. I dont mind if you dont give me anything, or if you even gimme a text, but nothing....
i guess im quite non existent huh...
fuck it. i dont give a rats ass, cos well its been like this always.