When we're lost in this world, we try and struggle to find ourselves.
Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail.
When we succeed, we know that it was pure will that pulled us through, but when we do succeed, you'll realise that you probably didn't learn much in the process.
It's only when we fail, so we find ourselves truly. When we're lost we count on ourselves to be found, but in reality, often it's those around us that help find us. That we can truly understand why we were lost in the first place.

Im a bit lost these days, uni has started for those who made it in, tafe or some other institution also started for those who havent. Whereas me, im alone, just sitting waiting for some1 to pick me up and throw me a line and say hey, work for me.
But the reason ive been so lost lately is because, Rose has been putting me on reserve these past few days, what i mean by this that since HSC has officially taken her from me, i can only be the guy in the shadows of HSC. So as i am overshadowed by the mountain of pressure on top of all those who are trying to climb this summit, i am left to wait on student with no time.
I haven't seen Rose for 3 days since friday.... n today i got to spend an hour with her, n we just lied there for an hour n then pushed over by her friends........ i know crushed. And as i wallowed in my thoughts, waiting for her to finish so i could walk her home, i realised that sometimes, i keep thinking im part of HER "mainstream" world, but wen reality really says that im not...
sometimes hopes are raised into expectations that just can't be met, n i hoped to be part of something i probably never will.
All of a sudden i find myself, lost. Just finding really what world connected me to her world. Sometimes i really think im just part of a relationship suicide...
Either way, shes given up, on us..... if things turn out to be the way that they are meant to, kenny leaves right b4 she starts the final exams and then never get to be. u need an explanation?

october---> kenny: canada / Rose: HSC
November-> kenny: sydney / Rose: HK
December -> kenny: Sydney / Rose: HK
January ---> kenny: melbourne / Rose: sydney

n since our promise was to wait till she finished HSC, kenny has no chance to finally just be with her rose.....
yep fate is cruel....
n now she doesnt want to be.

Leaving kenny LOST!!!
yes LOST!!!!
At the same time she finds me..... she sang to me tonight. From the beginning.
a song im not familiar with but somehow it knew me well. At the same time, she says she wants me to hate her, so that i can let go of her easier. I wish it was that easy, she doesn't get i dont want to let her go, i dont want to not have her in my life anymore! It seems its happening all over again. Why do i always pick the girls who want to let go. The girls who seem to never need a guy like me? She finds me, then dumps me back into darkness, lost.
As my thoughts run wild like always tonight i sleep with a broken heart.
n tomorow i wake up......with no hope.. no love.. before it even began...

before the beginning. =(